you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
