We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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