things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Rumble strips road head = magical
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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