But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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