Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
