So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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