Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
