Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
