our cab driver is having phone sex.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
