I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
