Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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