he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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