You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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