hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
