separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
