What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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