So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
