Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize