My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's just like the Real World with babies
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
