There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
