you would pick up someone in the library
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
