Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
