im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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