You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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