Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
