Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
