ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize