So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
