check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
