and you said cock pushups were impossible
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
