I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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