I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
