Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize