Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
