There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
