no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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