You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
