I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
