i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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