Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
