Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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