New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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