i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
