If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
