I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
