HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
