So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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