I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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