Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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