just come out here and I will go home with you...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think people are normalizing furries
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
