hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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