"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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