ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
