Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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