do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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