so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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