i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
