final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
