Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
