Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
