is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
