Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
