I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize