I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
