You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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