If that was your dad, he is hot
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
