she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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