Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
