He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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