So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
