I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
