Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize