Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize