Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
