she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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