i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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