I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
