Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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