Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
