Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
