just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
