If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
