Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
