physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize