I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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