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i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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