Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
