Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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