And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
