The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My feet surprised me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
