So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
