My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
