I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
