I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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